Finding Peace

I came to a fork in the road, so to speak. One path was lined with stress -- it would let me continue on the race to finish Clapotis in the next three days, possibly while forsaking all other hygiene and sanity issues.

I didn't like the look of that road.

The other path was much more zen. I could knit as I'm able to -- for pleasure, not for the end product, and send the stole to my grandmother when it's done. She's not expecting it, so it will still be a surprise, whether this weekend or in two weeks. And in the meantime, I'll still get my 7 hours of sleep a night and not feel guilty about browsing other patterns and working on the second sock, as well.

It was a tough call. What was the deciding factor? Blocking. Even if I were able to finish Clapotis, I wouldn't have time to block it, and give it a dunk so that it will soften up.

I feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and then I realized that this is a familiar scenario. I impose ridiculous deadlines on myself, then work myself into a frenzy trying to meet them. And I don't always have the presence of mind to say "You know what? The world won't end if I don't finish this." It's hard to give yourself permission to let yourself down.

But this isn't down! This is letting myself be more zen about the process, to not rush and run the risk of making foolish mistakes. This is enjoying the knitting, and keeping my mental focus on the love going into the product rather than the anxiety about getting it done.

I'm going dark until after Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a fun-filled week that includes lots of time with my sister, seeing my relatives in Colorado and Kansas and going to my (eek!) 10-year high school reunion. Will there be time for knitting? I hope so. But if not, that's okay. I'm thankful that I have great people to share my life with.

Happy Thanksgiving!